I was so excited when I got my first job paying me around $9/hr. I considered that to be “doing well,” comparatively speaking. I had to go through several jobs over many years before I worked up to payment that high.
It’s interesting thinking of my past “good pay” as being the new minimum, potentially.
I probably should back off a while. I feel like people are getting to know me too well, and I don’t want everyone to. Anonymity, and all that. Plus, I’ve said so much about myself that I feel like people see me as a broken bird or something now. That’s a sick feeling. And, just in general surrounding myself with the things that make me angry and sad’s not a good thing for my mood.
There’s some people I don’t want to lose contact with, though, but this is presently the only place I frequent on a daily basis online. So I don’t know if I should make an account elsewhere on something else, or what. I hear facebook is no better for the radfem crowd. I’m done with livejournal. I don’t want to go back to the old furry haunts, ever. I use deviantart in theory, but I haven’t been making art since I started regularly with tumblr (yet another reason to lighten up on my presence here). I could use AIM, but I get so damn anxious when I have to talk to people ‘in real time’ that I’d probably just start avoiding it if everyone had my screenname. Though, that’s probably something I should learn to get over. So, I dunno. People can give me their contact info anyway if they like. (Through fanmail or something.) Open to recommendations on better places to go. I’d really like to replace my tumblr habit with somewhere slightly less doom and gloom.
Not saying I’m 100% leaving. I mean, I’d like to, and ideally I will, but I have a tendency to get addicted to things and I’m a slave to routine, which tumblr fits well under. So I’m going to try to minimize my presence, whatever that ends up meaning.
Basically this place makes me feel like shit. I guess that’s why everyone that gets really involved usually quits after a year or so.
I’m weirded out by people who are in to horses but make a big deal out of being pro-horse slaughter. No other “animal person” (dog people, cat people, etc) go, “Oh, I love my ___, they are my life, best friend, etc- but I think the mass slaughter of them is a good thing for them as a whole.” If you wouldn’t want it done to your own pet, don’t even start with that. And if you would want it done to your own pet…. er, you’re kind of scary, but nice job being consistent, I guess.
So, today I’m breezing through things after a few hours of study that I was instructed to take a week on, and then passing the subsequent test easily.
Sometimes I feel smart and like my brain isn’t broken at all.
My whole reason for being in this Industry is to satisfy the desire of the men in the world who basically don’t much care for women and want to see the men in my Industry getting even with the women they couldn’t have when they were growing up. I strongly believe this, and the Industry hates me for saying it…so we come on a woman’s face or somewhat brutalize her sexually: we’re getting even for their lost dreams. I believe this. I’ve heard audiences cheer me when I do something foul on screen. When I’ve strangled a person or sodomized a person, or brutalized a person, the audience is cheering my action, and then when I’ve fulfilled my warped desire, the audience applauds.
Ex-porn actor and Free Speech Coalition board member Bill Margold, quoted by Stoller and Levine.
IF YOU STILL SUPPORT PORN I FUCKING HATE YOU.
yes, the sex industry is basically men’s revenge against women for rejecting them.